What to do after hearing a diagnosis
Hearing a diagnosis of cancer or a blood disease is a shock. This article says simply what feelings are normal in the first days, which steps help, and how to talk with family and children.
If you have just been diagnosed, or someone you love has, your mind is probably full of questions and fear. There is no “right” way to feel. This article suggests a few simple steps, not a set of instructions. Take whichever of them is useful to you.
Natural feelings
Hearing a cancer diagnosis is frightening. Worries are often about pain, changes in appearance, money, work and death. Feelings you may have:
- Fear. Of treatment, of the future, of what will happen to the family
- Anger. Asking “why me?” is natural. Anger sometimes reaches the doctor or those close to you, and it often comes from fear or helplessness.
- Anxiety. Heavy worry, being unable to calm down, a racing heart, headache, changes in appetite and trouble sleeping
- Sadness. Or numbness and confusion
If signs of depression last more than two weeks, talk with your doctor. Depression can be treated, and you do not have to bear these feelings alone.
A few small steps for the first days
1. Bring someone with you. Have a family member or close friend with you who can come to the visits and take notes.
2. Gather your papers. Test results, the pathology report (the sheet with the result of the biopsy), scans and the list of medicines. The NCI says the doctor is the best person to explain what the test results mean. Results are sometimes posted to an online portal before anyone has talked with you, and they may mislead. Wait before judging them, and sit down with the doctor.
3. Write down your questions. What exactly is the diagnosis? What is the stage? (The stage says how advanced the disease is and helps with the treatment plan.) What are the options? What is the goal of treatment? What are the side effects? When and on what number should I call?
4. Do not read everything at once. The more you know, the more in control you feel, but the internet is full of incomplete and frightening information and of claims of miracle cures. Read from reliable sources and take your questions to the doctor.
5. Think about a second opinion. If the cancer is rare, the doctor is not sure of the type or stage, you have several treatment options, or you simply want to be sure, a second opinion is your right. You can tell your own doctor and ask for the records to be prepared. Sources say that the evidence on the benefit of a second opinion is still unclear. If the two opinions differ, ask both doctors why they reached their conclusion.
6. Keep the steps small. You do not have to decide about everything today. Sometimes a decision is only for next week.
Talking with family
- You decide when and what to say. You can tell them when you are ready and not when you are not.
- Many people close to you mean well but do not know what to say. Sometimes it helps to tell them exactly what help you want.
- If you are angry or upset, tell them. Saying a feeling makes it lighter.
Children
Children sense that something has happened even when they are small. Telling the truth is better than leaving them in a situation where they imagine the worst.
- Explain to the extent of their age and understanding
- Say clearly that it is not their fault and that nothing they did or thought caused it
- Tell them that feeling upset, angry or scared is normal
- Reassure them that they will be looked after
- Keep teenagers informed and ask their opinion
Look after yourself
- Deep breaths, relaxation exercises, walking and something you enjoy
- Stay active as far as you can
- Talk with a counsellor or a support group
- If you have thoughts of harming yourself, call 115 (the emergency number inside Iran) right away or go to the nearest emergency department and tell someone
And then?
Once the diagnosis is clear, the path is usually: further checks, a treatment plan, the course of treatment and follow-up. Each stage is different, and not everything is clear straight away. The “Patient guide” section of this site explains the stages. And if at any time you get dangerous signs, see the page “When should I call for urgent help?”
Your diagnosis and treatment plan are decided by your treating doctor.